Wish You Were Here
by Skylark Evanson
Summary: And now I almost regret losing him.


**A/N: Just feeling a little low and… well, I miss some things. This, I guess, might be able to translate it. Maybe. Julie's POV.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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><p><em><span>Wish You Were Here<span>_

I broke it off with Ben about two months ago. It was getting too much, me never seeing him, always making a hole in my schedule to fit in a spare second and then having him break it off at the last second for something else. I understand he has to go save the world, but I just know that I can't do that to my life. He chose his path, and I chose mine. I won't waste my time with him. He's not good enough for me.

Of course, I thought something similar back when I knew I was just his hometown girlfriend and there were hundreds of fans out there that could be better than me in everyway. But I denied that because I felt like I needed to be with him.

It was ended because I couldn't deal with it anymore, feeling like I was better than him and that I deserved something more, something that worked for me. Ben didn't work for me.

And now I almost regret losing him. I miss his touch, I miss his "there"-ness. Maybe it's because I only realize my mistake so much later that I know I need to have him back. He's a universal hero. Multi-universe now, actually. He's saved the world plenty of times, the universe a few times, another universe now… I'm definitely not good enough at this point.

It's all just empty now. There's no struggle to living. I go home, I do my homework, I check my phone out of habit to see if he's sent me a smiley face or something, I sit quietly and watch tv or go out and play some tennis by myself. It's a lonely existence. I have Ship though. I can't be angry about that. Ben gave me something.

Maybe I just miss having someone. The "single" status on my social networking pages doesn't look very appealing. I don't like it. I like having that picture of Ben right there, his smiling face the thing to light up my day. He isn't there to light up my day anymore. He doesn't text me anymore. He doesn't call me anymore. I'm just one of those girls that you forget about after a few days of being apart.

For some reason, I can't forget about him. I still pass him in the halls; we keep our heads down, trying not to make eye contact. We don't want that awkward wave and the shy smile that means your trying to avoid someone. It's sickening whenever I have to do that. There's nothing that makes me feel worse.

Although, at the same time, I don't miss the hugs or the brief moment where I get to tell him that I'll see him later. I don't miss it. I don't miss being with him. But I still miss him at the same time.

There's an ache in my heart where he isn't. There's a hole there where I know that little fragment of my life, the part that had some adventure and fun to it, is now suddenly gone. It's all just been torn away.

I did it to myself, I'm perfectly aware. Some part of me wanted normal, some part of me wanted adventure, and some part of me wanted less chaos. I just didn't want to be the one there that never got any attention. But I don't need attention.

What I've recognized is that I just need… someone. I hate how needy it sounds, but I liked the thought of having someone with their arm around my shoulders and the thought of having someone text me and telling me to have sweet dreams even though their life could be threatened at that very moment. The strain on the relationship was too much, but just being with him was enough for me.

Now there's this hole in my chest where he's supposed to be, where that little bit of love is. Maybe it wasn't love, maybe it was, I wouldn't know. It's gone now. I don't know what to think anymore, but I just know I liked being with him even though I hardly saw him, hardly talked with him, hardly got to be his girlfriend. I still miss him, and I still don't.

And I'm realizing this now, a little too late. Two months later and he's already tracked down Elena and is working to reform her the best he can. What chance did I ever stand against an old friend?

I'm not sure what stance I take on the whole thing. There's one part of my mind that screams that I miss him, or at least his presence in my life, but then there's that other half of me that knows it wasn't going to work. I know I really need to move on, find someone else; maybe that can make this emptiness go away. I feel hollow, almost. It hurts.

Either way, I won't go back to him. I don't deserve him. I'll go play tennis and take care of Ship and move on with my life. I don't need him.

But I wish he were here.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading…**

**~Sky**


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